A Letter to a Friend in a Toxic Job
Dear Friend,
It's obvious from the outside that you are miserable. It is difficult to witness you being underpaid, undervalued, and overworked.
You are asked to do things that are certainly not your job. You are given more important positions with limited pay increases and a promise of eventual value in a workplace with a questionable future. You have taken on the weight of responsibility at a company founded by a neurotic MBA with a strong personality, an ability to charm investors…and a weak business plan.
When I ask you why you haven't left you say the pay is too high and your commitment to your colleagues and the mission of the work is too strong. What I have never heard is any reason why the job is good for YOU. What I do notice is your lack of confidence in knowing you deserve to work at a place that values you. I notice, beyond that, you don’t seem to think you can step away and work anywhere else.
If you could imagine your job as a romantic partner, would you be better able to see what it's taking from you? That there's no compromise or care left in this partnership? That you would be so much better off without them?
I wish you could see what I see: an incredible, smart, very experienced, overly competent, and extremely empathetic person who any company would be so lucky to employ, to work with, and to learn from. I wish you had the financial savings to allow you to extricate yourself from this toxic environment and spend a few months looking for a new company that will see all of the incredible things I see in you. And I wish you had enough separation of work and self to know that you are a valuable person just by existing, that you have a right to take time for yourself and your family, and that it is not your responsibility to single-handedly hold a company together. You are so much more than this job and I will continue to see that for you and am here to voice it when you're ready.
Sincerely,
Your Friend and Biggest Fan
P.S. So, are you ready to find better fish in the sea?
