Don’t Go It Alone!

The thing about Netflix is, when I was there, it seemed like a lot of my colleagues were kind of, how should I say this? …obsessed with the company. It was nearly their everything. Especially in the times pre-pandemic it provided their food, social interactions and friendships, travel, entertainment, finances, mental and physical healthcare, etc. Many of them left their whole families and existing networks in other states, countries, and time zones to move to California. I also saw many individuals totally destroyed by a layoff; I heard horror stories of panic attacks and dissolution of total support networks as a result. I saw colleagues so distraught by the idea of losing their job, which had become their lifeline, they did whatever the company demanded of them. Often without even thinking about it, they were making objectively harmful decisions for themselves and their families.

I did make the decision to leave Netflix. I did not take the demotion offered to me and I walked away. Before I left, my colleagues told me they were impressed and jealous that I could do such a thing. Of course, there are hefty amounts of privilege in being able to leave a well-paying job at a well-known company—my husband is able to provide our family with health insurance, as just one of the more logistical examples—but I will note that many of my colleagues shared these privileges, often being in households with dual tech incomes.

Really, what I had that some of them didn't was community outside of the company.

It is a community that showed me I was not alone. It is a community that provided me with solace as I left my job and showed me other possible ways of working and living.

I was able to walk away and immediately land in the caring arms of my extended community. They know me as the whole person I am and not simply as whatever work I do or an employee of whatever company I am at. They provide food, care, and entertainment if I need it (and all did in the dim first days with a newborn). They are all people who are in different stages of their own career journeys, in various fields and interests, and who know me from different stages of my life. This community supported my taking the Netflix job even when it meant moving away from a lot of them. And then they welcomed me back with open arms and hearts when I returned two years later.

In the months after I left Netflix, I found out that 3 incredible women I know (who didn't really know each other) were leaving their jobs at the same time, a mix of voluntarily and involuntarily. We formed a support and cheerleading community and have been meeting weekly ever since—holding each other up, providing advice and feedback, and making sure none of us ever feel alone in this disconcerting moment in our lives. It has been a hugely important part of my last few months and the reason this website and blog even exist. (Hugs, shoutouts, and thanks to Sam C, Sara, and Tia.)

Even if you aren't at a moment where you want or need a transition, I highly recommend building up and fostering your outside-of-work community. You will never know when it could come in handy for you or them, what you might learn about yourself, or what adventures it might lead to. If you are at a point of transition, gather those around you and let them help. It’s hard, I know, but you can ask for help! If you know someone else going through something similar to you, see if you can meet regularly to commiserate and share resources.

These are some of my favorite ideas on how to increase your community:

Work less: Yes, in order to hang out with people outside of work you have to...not be working. You need to create emotional and temporal space for yourself and others.

Start with communities related to your work (but not within your company): Meetups related to your industry can be a great way to have automatic shared interests that can turn acquaintances into friends.

Don't “network” unless you want to: If you hate networking, the fastest way to discourage yourself from meeting new people is by going to a traditional "networking event". Instead, choose other things from this list that expose you to new people and are also enjoyable/interesting. Remember the best connections come from being genuinely interested in another person. Trust me, this will lead to far more successful connections, even ones that could inadvertently turn into job opportunities.

Look for neighborhood groups: Proximity and ease can be key for community and can get you involved in supporting local businesses, increasing your care for the shared spaces around your home, and improving your everyday quality of life.

Join a book club: There's a reason these never seem to go out of style! They're a great way to meet people because you have a singular, common topic to discuss. You don’t need previous experience or expertise to do this activity and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

Try a class: Think of gym workout classes, pottery classes, etc. Find ones that meet regularly at least a few times so you're more likely to see the same people regularly, creating an opportunity to get to know someone a little better.

Get a dog: I don't recommend this lightly because our dog is a headache but they are really great for meeting all kinds of people.

Expand the community you already have: if doing something solo doesn't sound appealing, find a buddy! Ask one of your more outgoing friends to go to things with you, or plan a gathering/outing and ask each attendee to bring someone along who you haven't met.

So, what way will you use to expand your community outside of the office?