Get Out of Your Own Way
One of my favorite exercises to lead my clients through is called Friendship360. The exercise is focused on getting perspective on what to do next in your career journey in a survey format sent out to 10ish of your most trusted colleagues and friends. (Contact me if you want to learn more about Friendship360.) It’s a process that is intended to pop bubbles in a lot of ways, to show you have awesome everyone thinks you are.
Recently, one of my clients was going through their Friendship360 and looking at the feedback from their friends in the “what they should leave behind” section. These were some responses:
"Don't overthink it; you may not know if it's the right direction until you start."
"Act promptly without excessive hesitation."
"Have confidence in yourself and your worth; people will believe in you if you do."
"Ignore your inner doubts or self-critical thoughts."
"Leave behind a lack of confidence and realize that you have your life together."
Bubble…popped.
I wish I could kiss each of these people for their comments. Not only for this client but for all of us, including myself! Do yourself a favor and imagine these comments are being targeted at you and read them again:
"Don't overthink it; you may not know if it's the right direction until you start."
"Act promptly without excessive hesitation."
"Have confidence in yourself and your worth; people will believe in you if you do."
"Ignore your inner doubts or self-critical thoughts."
"Leave behind a lack of confidence and realize that you have your life together."
How’s your bubble?
The biggest barrier to our next step is often within us. It is easy to get comfortable, double down on the narratives we have about ourselves, and decide that we aren’t ready or, sadly, don’t deserve to do what we really want to do for work. Listen, and believe me when I tell you: you are able and more than ready to do the things you want to do. Everyone around you knows it.
I recently spoke with Dominique Luster, Founder of The Luster Company—look out for an interview with her soon!—and she said this: "I have a hard time holding in my frustration when I hear people listing all of the reasons they can't start their next thing. For all of the 'can'ts’ there is a looooong list of cans!" Ugh, so true!
I have a challenge for you.
Make a list of your can’ts.
Ask yourself: What are the self-doubts, hesitations, and blockers for your favorite potential next step?
Then, go through each can’t you've listed and counter it as your friends would.
For example:
"I'm not outgoing enough." —> "I am extremely outgoing and forthcoming when it comes to my close friends and people I meet naturally"
"I don't know how to do marketing." —> "At this stage of the business I want to start, I don't need a social media presence or to buy strategic ads. I just need to get 5 clients who might be friends-of-friends."
"I can't afford to make a change." —> "If I change my budgeting and save up a little bit I will have 6 months of runway to adjust my expectations to make less income and try this new role".
Now, step into the shoes of your friends and list all of the reasons they would say you can make the next step .
For example:
"You have a great idea and the tenacity to make it happen."
"You deserve to work in a space you're passionate about."
"I know this doesn't seem related to your previous job, but this is all the ways I see them connecting..."
"Your new area of work could really make a positive impact on your day-to-day life!"
"I'm so confident that you can do this."
Sometimes, when we come to a big fork in the road we aren't able to see things objectively ourselves. We need to listen to those we trust around us and borrow their confidence in us to make something happen. It's okay if it doesn't all come from within. It's okay to take risks, experiment, and try things out! Think of the potential upsides if it succeeds! And plan for the potential downsides, but don't let them stop you!
So, what would your friends say is the next step you are already brave enough to try?
